Someone shit on the floor
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sarcasm needs its own font
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
