Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
