Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize