I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
