Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
