I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
