Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize