Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
