If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
