I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
