I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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