so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
