i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
