I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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