best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
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