I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
