Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize