Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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