He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A+ Viking dick
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
