Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize