you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
