remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
