I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
