Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
