But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
