just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
