I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
