Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
