remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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