we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
