Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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