he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
