Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
