Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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