awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
