Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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