god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
be right there i have to get my cape
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
