If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
