The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
