so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
