i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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