Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
