I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
