Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
