You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
