I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
