I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
