So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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