dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
