Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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