Cold hands, warm shart.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think my vagina is haunted
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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