I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
