do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
