i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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