Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
