so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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