Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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