I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
