Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
