in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
