It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
