I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
