we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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