i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
