Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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