can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have fence marks all over my body
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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