That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My balls are so social today.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize