I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
