In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
