Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
