What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
