Can i not drive my cunt home
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize