I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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