I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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