you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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