There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
