Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im holly from the hills drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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