We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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