stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
