no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
