Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
