You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
