wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
