I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize