i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
and she was petting her beer can
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
