"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Acid is not a monday night drug
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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