I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
