dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
