I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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