When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize