Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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