How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
