You're a womanizer and a bitch.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
