I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
