in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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