im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
