we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
