all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
