Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
