i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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