Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
