4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
