omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
