Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
