Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
