its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize