Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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